eleven : eleven

It's been a while.

2009-07-08T04:17:00.003-05:00

Between you and me, I think we needed a break. But I'm back, now. I'll try to stay that way.

Moved back home; that's the biggest news. I'm going to go back to school too, if I can get my shit together. But mostly I've just been laying low. Living life to it's least full. But it isn't all bad. I got my old job back at hot topic. Working with those guys again is pretty cool. And I'm gonna try to get a second job as well. I'm also doing a paper route with Shannon. I don't know how much longer that will last though. Neither of us are making as much money from it as we would like.

Been going 6 months strong with Tehya. That's pretty impressive for me. It really doesn't feel like it's been that long. And even though it has, I guess I don't really see her steadily for very long. She's either in Eau Claire going to school, or now she's working at camp 45 minutes north of Duluth in Eveleth. But I am going up there next weekend to see her, so that will be fun.

Sumer has been alright. It seems like everyone is far away or broke. Or both for that matter. I wish I could find a job that I would like and get paid enough to live off of.

Well, I think it's enough for now. I'll hopefully be more apt to write in this more often.

//end transmition.

now I'm just sitting here.

2009-03-09T20:30:00.002-05:00

And I won't be the first one to call.

violent mood swings.

2009-03-06T23:08:00.002-06:00

my emotions have been so all over the place as of late. i've gone from being awesomely happy, to majorly bummed in no time flat. Throw in some anger to the mix and you got yourself an emotion cocktail.
I feel like such a jackass for being mad and bummed. I have no real reason. I'm just being a dick. Oh well. Life goes on.
i just want it to be summer. I feel like summer will just make everything better. But it won't. I'm still going to be sitting on my ass by myself most days, like I am now, being bummed that I'm not out hanging with people. I shoudn't need other poeple to make me happy. I am in control of my emotions, not them. oh fucking well.

So, it's been awhile.

2009-03-05T19:23:00.002-06:00

Things in my life are pretty alright as of late. I'll be moving out of my West Side residence to go back to the boonies. I'm okay with moving, it's a good choice. I'm gonna go back to school and get me some learnin' done.

Mostly, I just want it to be summer again. I want to bike in the warmth in shorts and sleeveless teeshirts, with the sun beating down on my shoulders. I can't stand this cold thing anymore.

I also am excited for Jeremy to come home. He's been gone too long. I really miss hanging out with him. Plus, when he gets back we're going to go see watchmen. Everyone else is going to see it tonight. And they're going to be calling me to tell me how awesome it is.

Plus, Tehya is going on spring break soon, so I get to see her for more than just a few days, which will be amazing. It's her birthday on the ides and I want to take her to cosetta's for dinner. She also wants to eat her mom's speghetti, and I don't blame her, because her mom's speghetti is awesome.

For the last few days, I've been hanging out with Emi. She has been my saving grace. I don't know what I would do without her, she just does so much for me. More than she will ever know. I'm lucky to have a friend like her. Her and Melonie mean so much to me, it's ridiculous. I have only known them for about two years and they have been such great friends to me.

Now, i have to get ready for work, stocking boxes for the red menace. At least they pay well, because this job is slowly killing me, one scar at a time. I really need the money, but I think I may be quitting soon. Just out of schiere inconvenience.

Nate is moving out to bum-fucked nowhere, and Mike might be going with him. So I won't ever see them again. This is an exageration, of course. But I won't see them very often. I'm moving back to my dad's, so I won't get to see Emi or Melonie that often either. Luckily, I will get to see Jeremy and Shannon because they're just over in Apple Valley, which isn't too terribly far from my dad's house. Also, I'm going to try and get my job back at Hot Topic, so I will get to see Corey and the crew again, which is awesome. I love all those kids, and Corey has been more my friend then my manager.

Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to say, see ya. Hopefully it won't be as long in between posts.

...

2009-02-09T15:47:00.002-06:00

someone i know died. "Passed on" is how it was put to me. I hate euphemisms... She's dead, and saying it makes it easier to accept. The funeral is tomorrow. Eleven o'clock at St Michael's. I'm bad at funerals. I don't like listening to preachers drown on about death. I'm more so bad at churches. I don't like the religious aspect of funerals. It doesn't coincide with my own ideals.

I donno. I was asked if i want to go to the funeral... but I'm not sure. I want to. Ya know? To say good bye. But I haven't talked to her in years. It's a weird feeling. mixed emotions...

strangeland.

2009-02-04T04:29:00.003-06:00

I had a weird couple of days. On monday I slept until about 7 o'clock. Then I woke up and did some laundry. After i did a couple of loads, I went over to Shannon's house because we made plans to go buy Nick and Norah's at best but to get a free where's fluffy tee shirt. So, I went over there and we just hung out for a while and watched movies. She went to bed around 6 in the morning and I stayed up and watched another movie because I don't really sleep at night anymore. So, around 9 am i go and wake her up, because best buy opens at nine thirty. She gets up, we smoke a cigarette, then we go. First to the bank, then to Best buy. We get the movie, and I bring her home so she can go back to sleep.

After that, I go to the mall to see ifcorey's working. Just to catch up with him, or whatever. We just end up chatting while he does the stuff he's gotta do. There really isn't much to do on a tuesday morning, so we mostly just talked. Then after a little while has passed I asked him who else was coming in. He said Dani. I asked when and he said, " In a half an hour." So I decided to wait around for dani to get there, so I could say hi to her. When she got there I started talking with the both of them and then corey went on his break. I said goodbye and that i would probably be gone when he got back. Well, he got back and I was still there. Infact I was still there untill almost 3 o'clock.

I decided it was time to go when i found out it was three, so I left. As I was leaving I caled jeremy, and told him I wasn't allowed to go to hot topic by myself anymore and I told him the story. Then I talked to jeremy the whole way home, and evern after I got home. I ended up talking to him for another 2 and a half hours. I finially went to bed around 7 pm. the same time I had woken up the previous day. and then I woke up around 2 am. and now, I'm up.

good morning.

yay.

2009-02-02T10:09:00.003-06:00

since friday, i have watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist 5 times. A little ridiculous, I know, but when I really like something, I tend to obsess over it a little. Or a lot. But I really think it's a spectacular movie.

It comes out on DVD tomorrow, and I'm going to go buy it. Best Buy is having a deal where if you buy the movie, you get a Where's Fluffy tee shirt. So you better believe I'm going there right when they open to get it.

I'm such a nerd.

free writing?

2009-01-21T04:31:00.003-06:00

I can't sleep. I can't stay off the internet. there doesn't seem to be anything else to do. i don't want to read. i don't want to watch anything. all my music is on kevin's computer. i don't have any cigarettes and i can't sleep. did i already say that? I guess the only thing to do is to type until i can't think of anything else to say...
tehya leaves tomorrow, which is sad, but not really, because she's only a couple hours away. an hour and a half if i drive fast. but i don't have a car, so it would take a lot longer. she's coming over today so we can go get some free pie. well, so she can get some free pie. I'll see if i have enough money for a coup of coffee, which is the stipulation for said pie. you have to order something to get it. twelve hours ago a friend needed me and I didn't do anything. i didn't really know he needed me, i guess, but i saw. i saw and i ignored. because i figured it was just another one of his rants. which, in the end, it was. he was in the same boat i was, not being able to sleep and probably thinking too much.
i gave myself a deadline. for what, i don't know. i text jeremy the other night and told him. april 1st. i'm out. he asked me, "off what? the lease, the state?" I said i didn't know. all of the above, maybe. but i gotta come back at least for the 2nd. but i wanna go. go somewhere.
i think i might couch hop for a while. bring all my shit to my dad's house and just bike around. i don't know where i'm gonna get money. I want to do odd jobs for my dad again. like last summer, but this time i won't have to pay rent. or if i do, it wouldn't be every month, or maybe i would just pay some for the days i were there. maybe i'll do shit work for my mom too. then i won't be tied down. i can just roam around the greater metropolitan are for a while making enough to live off of. and when i don't have enough, i can lways go to my mom or dad's house and they'll let me stay for a while.
i'll be turning 20 this year. i don't know what that means or if it means anything. probably not. age is just a number. a way to tell time. and time is just more numbers put to the movement of the sun and the moon and the earth. the earth spins and we call that a day. the earth goes around the sun and we call that a year.
matt makes me mad sometimes. i guess i'll just leave it at that.
kevin talks about how he hates money and about how he doesn't have any of it, but he always gets so angry over it. always tries to counter the points you bring up, even if you just want a dollar.
i feel bad for mike. he's in such a bad place rigt now. but he is also in a really good place. it doesn't make sense, but i don't think it has too.
i'm pretty happy, but also really stressed out. i think i'm gonna take a week off of work and go visit jeremy. i would love to go to colorado. i would also like to see jordan. tehya means a lot to me, and it's weird to say this becausee i know she's gona read this. so, yeah. you mean a lot to me, tehya. you're part of the reason why i'm happy right now. and i'm sorry i'm so bad at saying these sorts of things in person, but i'm not real good with emotions.
i miss emi. she has been a really good friend to me, but she's kind of distancing herself. and it's not like i can invite her over, because matt live her and she doesn't want anything to do wit him. which is also why i feel like she's distancing herself.

i can already see a lot of errors in this post, but i really don't want to go back and edit them. so consider thsi free writing. and i guess this is it. i'm not sure if i accomplished anything, but i'm glad i got it all down.

You're gonna carry that weight.

2009-01-21T02:50:00.002-06:00

I just finished watching cowboy bebop. all of it. save for the movie and session zero. And now I fell heavy. The last message doesn't lie. that show was such a big past of my childhood. it makes me nostalgic. which i hate. but it's a good kind of hate, if that makes any sense. which I'm almost positive it doesn't. I'm glad i have it all now. so i can go back and watch it whenever i want. it makes me feel a little better. but the fact that it's over, it's just a little sad. but a good kind of sad. again little sense is being made. i kind of wanted to cry when it was over, and I even felt it coming on a bit, but i didn't. because i've done all my crying for that show. it had a good run. and it made me smile. and cry. and laugh. and just emotional. but now it's gone. Like all good things, it came to an end. see ya space cowboy...

sad, sad day.

2009-01-17T08:02:00.002-06:00

so I found out today at nine o'clock that i indeed do not have to work tomorrow. I found out just in time for the cloud cult show to be sold out. this is one of the biggest let downs of my life. I really really really wanted to go see them again, and I might just have to travel again to see them. frickin' popularity of music. i mean, it's cool that people like mason jennings, haily bonar and cloud cult, but now i can't go see one of my favorite bands. i should have bought tickets when i first heard about the show, but i didn't know if i was gonna get work off. so now, i have to be content with listening to them...

today is weird.

2009-01-02T16:55:00.003-06:00

i was complaining that there was nothing to do today, but when someone called and wanted to make plans with me, I decided against it. Granted, they wanted to go to a mall, which I am entirely too sick of, but still, it was something. Now I'm sitting here watching star wars and typing this out. I'm going to try and fix my computer tower, because for some reason it's not recognizing the hard drive. Then I'm gonna go smoke... or maybe I'll smoke before I try to fix my 'puter...

Anyway, I'm runing a new operating system, Ubuntu, and I'm loving it. I hate microsoft. And I don't have an apple computer, so a Linux OS was the way to go. I also love the fact that it's all freeware. Not even just because it's free for me, but the ideology behind it. That it's an open source for everyone to be apart of. Not just people with money. I mean, you still have to get a computer and get [or make] a live disk, but still, operating systems are expensive.

Last night Sean Beverage came over to my house. It was pretty cool. He brought another guy with him, named andy, who was pretty rad. He, Sean, and I geek'd about star wars for a good while. He also listened pretty intently while Sean and I talked comics.

Um, the end?

Goodbye, Megan McKeenan, I will miss you.

2008-12-24T07:20:00.002-06:00

But I will always have you...

So, I've been reading this story, since it's conception in early 2007. Actually, I was interested in it before it even came out. But never-the-less, I had been reading it issue by issue, for like, three issues. Than money got tight and I didn't have time for silly little comics. So, I stopped reading it.

Time went by and I didn't give it much thought. Every now and again i would pick up the few issues I had and read them and reminisce about how beautiful the art and the stories were. I even lent the few I had out to other people because I loved it so much.

The other day, I was Christmas shopping, and I know this seems off topic, but I promise it ties in. I was scouring the mall to find all of the gifts I needed to get. I stopped into a barns and nobel to find some books that I wanted to get for people. I decided to go check out the comic section to see if I could find anything for my brothers. But I found something else. I found a hardcover edition of Local. Of Megan's story. All twelve issues. And I bought it. On the spot. It was the most expensive thing I bought that day. And I have never been more glad of a perches.

But now that I've read all of her story, I am a little sad. I feel like someone I know died, even though Megan herself didn't die [as if she were alive in the first place] her story has concluded. Never again will she have a new adventure. In a new city.

The other thing about it is, it makes me want to pack up and go that much more. Just up and leave. Even though I made promises to people to stay. Even though I love it in Minnesota. I just want to leave everything behind and have my own adventure. That way Megan can kind of live on.

This all sounds so stupid. That a comic book can make me feel this profoundly. But it's the truth. It's the only thing I know for certain. That this book has meant more to me than anything else in a while. This all sounds so stupid.

Snow.

2008-12-23T00:01:00.002-06:00

The snow falls gleefully to the ground, dancing around one another in exuberance. They seem to twinkle in the streetlights. I look up into the dark night sky, open my eyes wide to take all the beauty in, and let out a sigh.
I don’t want to fucking shovel again.
Instead I prolong the inevitable, set my shovel against the garage, and walk back into the warmth of my house. All the lights are off inside. I kick of my boots and shove them into the corner.
“The snow is pretty,” she says as I’m unbuttoning my jacket. “It looks like it’s a million little stars falling to the earth.” She’s sitting in the chair by the window with just a blanket on. Just sitting and staring out into the darkness. I place my jacket on the sofa and take off my hat and scarf.
“Yeah,” I say, “I got your car out.” I tuck my scarf into my hat and throw the combination on to the sofa as well.
“Maybe not stars. And maybe not falling at all. Maybe they’re like souls. Rising out of the ground and going into the sky.” She reconsiders. “If you look at them like this,” she squints her eyes, “They look like they’re going up.” Next I take off my snow pants and leave them in a crumpled mess on the floor.
“Maybe,” I say as I lean over her and squint out the window into the blizzard. I straighten up and pull my sweater over my head and throw it onto the couch.
“No, you’re not doing it right,” she says, “You have to do it like this.” She squints again and tilts her head a little. I take off my socks and push them with my foot over to where my snow pants are still laying. “Try it again, you’ll see what I mean.”
“Yeah, I can kind of see it.” She seems satisfied with this answer. I pull my tee shirt off and toss it onto the couch. “ I thought you didn’t like the winter?”
“I don’t,” she says while she sakes her head ‘no’, ”I just like the lights” I undo my belt and start unbuttoning my pants. “ I like the way the light reflects off of the snow. I like the way the street lights have a halo around them.” I pull down my pants and push them over into the pile on the floor.
“ Yeah, they’re nice,” I tell her and pull down my boxer-briefs. I brush her hair back and stroke her cheek with my finger.
“You’re hands are cold,” she says without looking at me. I slide onto the chair next her. I lift her up a little and swing her legs around so they’re across my lap. She readjusts the blanket so it’s covering both of us. My hands go to her back and I place my head on her shoulder.
We sit like that for a while. Just sitting. She’s still staring out the window and we’re both still naked. Both wrapped up in the blanket. I kiss her shoulder and she squeezes a little closer to me. I start to drift slowly to sleep.
I cast another glance out the window and it’s still snowing majestically. Still the little souls that she see’s going upwards. But they’re not. They are little flakes of ice. Drifting to the ground, covering the earth in a white blanket.
I don’t want to fucking shovel again.

winter wonder-hell.

2008-12-22T08:29:00.003-06:00

Being back home from work has never felt so amazing. I had to stay there until 7:30 today, and that last half an hour just kills me. Normally I only have to stay until 7:00, but I was scheduled that extra today. It kills everyone. Other people who have to stay that late all look just as dead.

My manager had me running all over the store today. "Go here, now go here, now go do this, now go do that." It's so ridiculous and counter productive. But it's not like I dislike my manager, the way everyone else seems to. I actually enjoy her antics and craziness. She was a theater major and she just acts like someone I would be friends with.

After work, Mike and I were prepared to bus it home, because Kevin went home sick, but this dude, who neither Mike nor I can remember his name, offered us a ride home. It was pretty righteous. Now, were just sitting here, Mike blew up Megaton and I watched in awe.

Supermassive Black Hole

2008-12-21T08:56:00.001-06:00

I'm really feeling this song right now.
Oh baby dont you know I suffer?
Oh baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretenses
How long before you let me go?

You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the 'supermassive'

I thought I was a fool for no-one
Oh baby I'm a fool for you
You're the queen of the superficial
And how long before you tell the truth

You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the 'supermassive'

Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole

Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole

2008-12-17T02:05:00.002-06:00

It's a little after two in the morning.
i'm staring at this bright screen.
and i'm trying to write whatever comes into my brain.
which is a lot harder than it sounds, when you want what comes out to sound neat.
but it all just sounds like killing time.

I don't have anything to do.
Which even as I type it, I know it's a lie.
I've got music to play, and listen to.
I've got video games to play.
I've got the internet.

but I still feel like i have nothing to do.

I can't sleep. I gotta stay up till at least 7 to go pick up mike and Kevin.

Even if i could sleep. i wouldn't.

merr.

say it in your MPR voice.

2008-11-28T12:14:00.002-06:00

When my step dad was bringing me home last night after thanksgiving dinner, we were listening to All Things Considered, because he always has his radio dialed to 91.1, and there was this short excerpt of what listeners were thankful for. Most of them were what you'd expect, "I'm thankful for my boyfriend..." or "This guy at work did something awesome...", things of that nature.
There was this one, though, that was... well, different. It was this women... well, she... I guess I'll just write what she said. She began, "Well, its been one hell of a year. My parents were in a one-car car accident. My father was killed instantly and my mother was hospitalized." She talked about how it was hard to be thankful with such a tragedy befallen on her family. But the more she thought about it, she was thankful. Thankful for the nameless doctors and nurse and countless other people who helped her mother survive. But mostly whe was thankful for her mother, who didn't give up, even though at one point she wanted to. But she found the will to survive, to keep hope, and to stay in physical therapy. Now she can walk again.

As the story went on, I sat there, awe struck. I didn't know what to do or say. All i could do was sit there and listen, as my eyes started to sing.

I don't know if it were the story itself [though, I'm sure it had something to do with it] or if it were the way she told it. She seemed so ambivalent, so calm. So... disconnected. It made the story that much more emotional for me.

there are a million things.

2008-11-26T19:10:00.002-06:00

I've calmed down a little.
I sat and chain smoked by myself for a while.
I can't figure out what keeps triggering these stupid attacks.
Just shit, I guess.
The people I love to be around are seeming further and further away.
These things happen, I s'pose.
The winter is really ruff on people. Shannon and Jeremy both have seasonal depression. Tehya has been on edge. She told me she also hates the winter. Mike and Kevin have both been kinda distant feeling. When the people I love are unhappy, it makes me so.

I need to stop thinking so much. It gives me headaches and makes my heart pound.
My hands shake and I can't control myself.

The last attack confuse me more than this one. I was having a blast with mike. Me went out shooting photos n' stuff. Then all of a sudden, BAM! I was twitching and breathing weird.

Hopefully I'll get okay.

Oh my God, my God! Oh my heart, my heart! Oh my God, my heart!

2008-11-26T18:24:00.002-06:00

My heart is beating quickly.
My body is too warm.
My face feels hot like the pavement on a summer day,
just after noon.

Oh my heart, stop this nonsense.
Oh my hands, stop this quivering.

Monotony never seemed so chaotic.
Ambiguity never seemed so clear.
My own feelings never seemed so untrustworthy.
My own heart has never pounded this way.

My heart is beating so quickly.
My body is far too warm.
My face is the still burning building,
or maybe the charred remains.

Oh my heart, stop this foolishness.
Oh my hands, stop this... stop this quake.

Chaos never seemed so organized.
Clarity never seemed so obscure.
Trusting never has been this hard for me.
Pounding of my heart's never swayed.

My heart is beating so rapidly.
My body's a million degrees.
My face is a hundred forest fires,
the flames so untamed.

Oh my heart is going to explode.
Oh my hands can't pick up the phone.

Can't dial nine one-one! Can't yell to the tone!
Can't hold the receiver! Just have to die here alone!

My heart is still so suddenly.
My body is feeling so cold.
My face is cold like icicles,
that glow bright by the moon.

Oh my heart, can you hear me?
Oh my hands, can you feel?

life, by Ian Torkelson

2008-11-26T18:07:00.003-06:00

life is like...
nothing i have ever felt. and i feel so...
exhausted.
i having another anxiety attack. that's two in one week. Which isn't good.
the neighbors are bumpin' there shitty radio rap. it's making me feel ill. and I have to work tonight. and it's thanksgiving tomorrow. which brings me to think about that thankfullness shit. I'm thankful for..? Being on my own? Living how I want? Neither of these are true. I live with two of my best friends, so I'm not on my own. I am most certainly not living how I want. But living how I want to live is scary. I don't know what to do. I handled my last attack fairly well. I just sat and smoked and twitched until it was over. Right now, I'm typing and thinking and not breathing well and dreading the night. I just want to sleep. go into a coma.

Now I'm smoking with kevin. and still typing. while he reads to me from some ninja book.

fun fact: did you know, mom's been putting salt licks in the backyard to attract deer. Every day they're practacly gone. Mom thinks the deer are going crazy back there. But it's just me and franky licking them.

i can't think straight.

I miss. people. real. peaople.

i need to payrent, real big.

2008-09-29T11:41:00.002-05:00

And I have no moneys. My dad better pay me today, or I'm gonna be screwed. I'll hopefully be able to talk to him later. My plan is to go to my house before work and write out my check and give it to mike, then deposit the money my dad pays me into an atm. Then, hopefully the moneys will go through before david trys to cash my check.

Who has two thumbs and got a job at Target?

2008-09-25T11:38:00.001-05:00

instead

2008-09-21T09:43:00.003-05:00

of making music, I played with photos. Mike was asleep most of the day, so I couldn't go in our room and play. It would have woken him up. So I took some photos. And edited them. It was fun, I guess. This one is my favorite one. I'm not really sure why. I just like it.

I think I might go for a bike ride in a little bit. Just go bike somewhere and chill out for a bit. The last few days have really been hurting my head. I think some time out in the sunlight will do me some good. At least, I hope it will. Maybe I'll take some neat photos while I'm out.

I think I'll call Matt. Maybe he'll want to go bike around with me. I sure hope so, because bike rides are much more fun when you're with someone else.

This post is longer than any I've done in a while. That's kinda cool. Go me.

//end transmission.

only when...

2008-09-20T21:09:00.002-05:00

...you've tried to write a song when you're feeling completely apathetic will you know what it feels like to be disinterested.

And that's how I am feeling right now. But because of that, I now actually have something to write about. Oh, the irony of it all.

I'm in a music making mood. So, hopefully something good will come out of this. Apathy, disinterest, and creativity. Who knew that such a combination could be played out this way. Strange things come out of my head.

//end transmission.

sunshine.

2008-09-19T12:40:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was kind of a waste. But not really. All I did all day was watch movies. And today's looking like its going to turn out the same. It sucks, because Mike and Kevin sleep all day and wake up and stay up all night. And I actually fall asleep at night. Whatever. I wanted to write a long post about how thing are going, but I don't feel like it anymore.

//end transmission.

everything is falling apart.

2008-09-16T22:04:00.001-05:00

not really, but today was pretty awful.
now I'm just sitting at my dad's house watching movies and eating candy.

tomorrow will be better.

//end transmission.

war movies.

2008-09-10T20:21:00.002-05:00

make me sick. not because of the death and carnage, I watch horror movies. I hat them because every time I see one, America is the big god damn hero and the other guys are the bad guys. More specifically, I'm sick of movies about the war in Iraq. If America was occupied by a foreign country, we'd be trying to kill them and get rid of them. It was one thing to try and find the terrorists who attacked us, I was all for that, but to stay in a country that had nothing to do with those attacks and regulate the way those people live, is so fucking wrong that it makes me literally ill.

George W. Bush is unamerican.

blue hair.

2008-09-08T18:30:00.002-05:00

whaaat.

2008-09-04T17:05:00.002-05:00

I am now home. This morning I went to downtown to march, but ended up with a group of people I didn't fully agree with. I still agreed that the war should end, and that there should be peace n' things, but they were a bunch of dumb liberals. Not to say that all liberals are dumb, because I myself and pretty far left, but this group of people were just kinda dumb. They gave me a free meal, though. That was pretty sweet, because I'm poor and there's no food in my house.

Which brings me to my next topic. Tonight is the great doughnut heist. Kevin works at a Super America and every night they throw out all of there doughnuts from that day and replace them with a new shipment. So Kevin is going to double bag said doughnuts in big garbage bags and set them outside by their dumpster. Here is where I come in. I am going to ride up on my bike and take these doughnuts and bring them home, so we actually have something to eat.

We're going to get free doughnuts for the rest of forever! Or at least as long as Kevin works at SA.

//end transmission.

Exhaustion

2008-09-02T22:00:00.002-05:00

Marching. protesting. storm troopers. rage against the machine. two tons of irony. more later.

//end transmission.

St. Paul is

2008-09-02T11:50:00.002-05:00

insane. You can't go a block downtown without seeing 6 cops. The fucking RNC is hurting my city more than helping anyone. There's so many people here and there garbage is starting to fill the streets. Cops that normally would be pretty cool are wound up so tight that they snap at the first sign of confrontation. A firefighter almost got into a physical fight with kevin's coworker. I got yelled at twice for going onto a bridge, not even going across it. Things are so insane and they're only going to get worse from here.

But part of me loves it. There's such an intense feeling in the air. It's the feel of change. The feeling of chaos before the revolution. It's a very exciting time.

//end transmission.

today is

2008-09-01T12:44:00.002-05:00

labor day. and that means it's time for "taking back labor day". which means i'm gonna go see mos def and tom morello. happy happy happy. Tomorrow i'm going to go attend the protest, and the same goes for pretty much the rest of the week.

should be a grand ol time.

//end transmission.

Work work work

2008-08-30T13:37:00.002-05:00

It feels like all I ever do anymore is work and sleep. Maybe a few hours time talking with some friends. I've been at my dad's house since wednesday painting and going to work at HT. Without Tehya in Prior Lake, this place is boring as hell. I tried calling other people like Ryn or Wanda, but they're busy with stuff. This upcoming week should be cool though. Lots of protesting and shows. Should be good.

The last fun thing I did was go up to Duluth with Kevin, John and Tehya. We went and saw Aesop Rock, Grayskull, Yak Ballz, and Koshah Dills. It was cool. Then the next day I hung out with John and Kevin again. We went to 5th Element 'cause Kevin wanted to spend moneys. And we saw Aesop Rock there too. He wasn't rapping, but he was there and we got a chance to talk to him a little.

//end transmission.

money issues.

2008-08-25T18:57:00.002-05:00

I hate money. more so the fact that I'm always in need of it.
this time, I don't even need money, but I'm going to let down my friends if I don't have any. We're s'posed to go to Aes Rock in Duluth and Kevin is driving. He wanted everyone to pitch in for gas and tickets are 15 dollars. I have 6 dollars in my checking account and 10 in my savings. But I need cash to get into luce. This is some bullshit.

//end transmission.

weekend as such.

2008-08-25T11:45:00.003-05:00

friday I worked until close. But Chels was in town so I wanted to see her. So we all [Matty, Emi, Sean Beveridge, and Chelsea] went to the perkins on Robert St. There was some guy there who was on the same bus as me, and I would have gotten on the next bus with him as well. He kinda freaked me out. But we all went there even though Mike and I boycotted that perkins. Emi and I got into a huge fight and I paid, walked home, smoked a cigarette, and went home where I immediately fell asleep.

Saturday I had to work a mid-shift and afterwards Sean had invited me to his house for a barbecue. So after work I biked from the Burnsville Center to the opposite end of Apple Vally. Everyone who was at perkins was there, plus Tehya, Ryn, and Jeremy. We were all just chillin' for awhile, and when Emi got there she asked me if we could talk later. When we went and talked she immediately apologized, so I knew we were gonna figure things out. The rest of the night was spent drinking [mostly done by matt] and sitting on Sean's deck. Matty got too drunk and threw up. A lot. Tehya, Ryn, and I spent a lot of time up a tree. Emi and I drank a little, Chelsea drak a bit more than us, Sean drank a lot, and Matt drank too much. Tehya only had a few sips off of the Johnny Jump Up [I think the Jameson ruins the Strongbow] that I was drinking, which was originally Chelsea's. So the only ones who really got drunk where Matt and Sean. Which meant I was okay with the party, because I normally hate parties. Then everyone went home and I fell asleep on the couch.

Sunday I woke up on sean's couch at 9:30. I decided I wanted to see Jeremy and Shannon's new place. They just got a trailer. But the park is actually really nice and so if their trailer. I got lost in the park when I biked there [which subsequently was on another end of apple valley] and finally got a hold of Jeremy, I had called shannon for directions but she wasn't there, so Jeremy came and found me. Then I hung out with Jeremy for a few hours and saw their new place. But it was my brothers birthday, so I got on the bus and went to MOA and caught the train to minneapolis. My whole family was there, it was kinda crazy. Then I started Biking home, but somehow got lost and ended up in Dinkytown. So Kevin and Mike came and rescued me. Mike and I then went out to take some photos, but decided we wanted to go to the bridge in inver grove so we went and got Kevin's car. after some photos we brought Kevin's car back to him and walked home. Then I fell asleep.

//end transmission.

The day's are filled with work, but at night they go out and play.

2008-08-22T10:20:00.002-05:00

That's how my life's been going for the past few weeks. During the day I either work the HT or do work for my dad, and at night I go for long walks or really long bike rides. It has been so much fun.

Today I have to work, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get there. I guess I'll have to ask my sister if she'll want to give me a ride. Then there's the problem of getting home, but that shouldn't be too big a deal.

Chelsea's in town this weekend! That's awesome, and we're going to have a fire and a bar b que. Sean is putting it together. I'm pretty stoked.

//end transmission.

So many things.

2008-08-19T11:35:00.002-05:00

I just don't get what goes through their minds.
Her mind. Crazy.

Anyway, last night I went to Matty's and we went for a bike ride around his neighborhood... which ended up being a bike ride around Richfield, Edina, and part of Minneapolis. It was really awesome. We biked by the second house I ever lived in. It hasn't changed a bit. It's even still the wierd green color that my mom painted it. I really wanted to look around the house, but it was like 12 o'clock and it was Edina, so I'd probably get the cops called on me or something.

//end transmission.

Incoming.

2008-08-17T20:46:00.007-05:00

HUGE POST.

I had a really awesome week. Starting with tuesday:

On tuesday I hung out with Tehya, Wanda and Abby. First they came over to my dad's house and we all hung out for a while. We mostly sat out on the steps in the backyard. It was pretty awesome. Then we went to go get some food at a place in Savage. After we got our food we sat right on the sidewalk in front of the place and ate it. We had a picnic in a parking lot. After we finished eating, we decided the best thing to do would be to get some drinks, so we went to the cub foods right next door. I don't remember what Wanda and Abby got, but Tehya and I got a 3 liter bottle of grape drink that we decided we wanted to make into a robot. Then we went back out into the parking lot and watched a storm roll in. It was spectacular. The sight was just so ominous and huge. It was like seeing tanks roll onto a battle field. Tehya and I ran around when it actually started raining, and we thought it would be a good idea to run through the sprinklers [they were on during the rain storm, i donno why].

After the rain stopped, we found out that where we had parked the cars was flooded, and there was a whirl pool. It was neat. So we played in it, like the mature adults we are.
We found out the reason the parking lot was flooded was because the drain was clogged up.

I also found a moth. He had fallen in the water, and was trying to swim but his wings were too wet. So I picked him up by letting him grab onto my finger. Then he just chilled there for a while letting his wings dry. I named him Herbert. When his wings were dry enough, he flew away. I'd like to think that he lived out his days in happiness, but he was probably eaten by a bird or something. Anyway, all in all it ended up being a pretty awesome rainstorm.
After we were done playing in the flood, we all went to our houses to get into dry [and snazy] clothes to go salsa dancing. I hadn't originally planned to go, but I enjoy all kinds of music, and I was promised a live band. So the three girls put on dresses and I put on a button up shirt, black pants and shoes and a tie [not to mention my vest] and we picked up david and went salsa dancing. I super glad I went, because even though the band didn't play the whole time, when they did, they were kickin', and I got to see David, who is awesome. After we were done dacin' we went back to Tehya's house to get everyone else's car. Then Abby brought me home, because she actually lives pretty close to me. And that was the end of tuesday.

Wednesday:
I had to work at 1 o'clock. Went and did that, then I went to Unique and got some new shoes [a sweet pair of adidas for only 6 bucks] and met up with Wanda. After Wanda and I were done at Unique, we decided to go get some food at Applebee's, which, coincidently, is where Tehya works. Long story short, I got unlimited chicken tenders and tried to eat them until Tehya got off work, which was terrible. But when Tehya got off work, I gave her the rest of the ones I had and ordered another basket for her, so she could eat for free... even though she works there. haha. then we went to my dad's house so they could look through my old clothes to see if they wanted any. They took what they wanted and then we decided to go to the park and hag out for a while. then I brought them back to their cars and home and went home myself.

Thursday:
I had to work at one again, but I went and visited wanda at her place of business, which happens to be a smoothie place. But we couldn't get them for free [sad face] but they were still good. Tehya was also there. We all made plans to rendezvous after we all got off work at my house. To make blanket forts. And after we got off work, that's exactly what we did.

Then I went over to Mike's mom's house so I could go up to their friends cabin with them. Tehya and wanda went home.

Weekend:
I went up to northern minnesota for the weekend. We did a lot of just chilling out. Spent a lot of time in the cabin or walkin'about. ate food cooked over a fire and things. it was a lot of fun.

Now I'm back at my dad's house to collect the rest of my stuff, and I'm gonna go home tomorrow. It has been such a great week.

//end transmission.

Hope is a good thing.

2008-08-11T20:56:00.002-05:00

I just watched The Shawshank Redemption for the first time ever. It was beyond words. Too amazing for me to grasp with only one viewing. I need to watch it again. And I need someone to discuss it with; to analyze it.

//end transmission.

Disapointment sucks.

2008-08-11T15:26:00.002-05:00

I went and inquired about the help wanted sign at Bicycle Bills, this little bike shop not far from my house. I got really excited when I first saw the sign, but when I asked them about it, he told me they were just looking for a secretary. And, I mean, I could do that, but I sure they want someone with experience, and I don't have any secretary experience.

Plus, the bike shop was kinda lame. The guy I talked too was leaving for the day so he just wanted to get me out of there. He seemed pretty annoyed that I wanted to work there, so he was being very... closed off? Anyway, he did give me a free presta adapter, but only because he didn't want to deal with me using a check card. Well, there's strike one, I'll try a different bike shop sometime next week.

This week is gonna be really lame if no one in PL wants to hang out. I'm going to my dad's house, way out in the boonies, and it's going to be very boring if everyone is busy.

//end transmission.

long weekend.

2008-08-10T20:11:00.003-05:00

This weekend has been all sorts of awesome.

Friday: I had to get up early so I could go to work. Got to work around 1:15, which meant I was late. The After work I went to Irish Fair. Met up with a bunch of people. La dee da.

Then I didn't sleep much cause Mike wanted to chill for a bit. Did get some sleep, though.

Saturday: I had to work yet again at 1:00 so I got up and actually got there on time. I bought a new bag, which is big enough to hold a twelve pack of mountain dew, so that rules. Then I realized I had to work at 11:00 the next morning [today], so I decided to stay in Burnsville instead of going back to St Paul. So after work, I called Hannah and told her to come hang out with me. We went to Unique and wondered around for a bit. Then I met back up with her at her apartment, 'cause I had my Bike and she drives a Mini. Then, somewhere along the line I decided it would be a good idea to go to walmart, where I promptly [actually it took me 20 minutes to decide] bought a 5-pack of plain tee-shirts. Also, some grape kool-aid. Then we went back to the apartment and watched Eddie Izard.

Sunday: Around 1:00 am, Hannah had to leave to go do her newspaper route, and I decided the most intelligent course of action would be to not sleep, but go with her on here route. We met up with Shannon at the Depot, and divided the route between the two groups [Brit was there as well] so we could get it do more quickly. Then off we went.

The route is actually a lot of fun. I get to throw newspapers at houses and apartment buildings and go into an old folks homes and ride around on a shopping cart.

After we finished our half of the route we went to what we thought would be Shannon and Birt's last stop, but it turned out that they had went to that one earlier, but we called them and we met up there anyway.

After all was said and done, and this is where you think I'm going to say that I went home and slept like a responsible adult, we decided it would be better to go to Perkins and get breakfast.

And it was a great idea. we were all sleep deprived and punch drunk, and our waiter loved it. He was crackin' jokes with us [or at us, not sure] and having a good time. Hannah and I split an omelet. It had lots of cheese and some bacon.

After that we went back to the apartment where Shannon and Brit promptly passed out, but Hannah and I put in more Eddie Izard. I did pass out eventually. I got about three hours of sleep. Work was alright, I worked with Brian and Lesly, which is always fun, and afterwards I took the bus home. This is where you say, "Then you went to bed, right?" To which I reply, "Of course, but I made a slight detour to the MoA to visit with Matt and Emi." Then I came home and tried to fall asleep, but only succeeded on the bus ride. And now, here I am, writing this lovely post.

That was much longer than suspected.

//end transmission.

Irish coffee and Irish music in a Mexican town.

2008-08-09T02:29:00.002-05:00

After work today, I went to Irish fair on Harriet Island... Well, it wasn't really on Harriet Island, it was in Harriet Island Park, which isn't really on the island. Either which way, it was a pretty good time. Matty, Emi, Melony, Chavis, and Nikki were there. Plus, one of Nikki's friends and one of Chavis and Melony's friend. Also, when I was on my way there, Wanda called me and told me that her and Tehya were there and Sean Beverage was there as well. All in all, it was a good run in.

Afterwards, Wanda and Tehya can over to my house and hung out with Mike and I for a while. Then I walked them back to there car, all the way back into downtown. But I brought my bike, so I just biked home. On the way I stopped at Holiday and picked up some smokes and Java Monster [Irish blend!] and went home.

Funny thing happened only a few blocks away from my house. You know when you're driving somewhere you've driven a lot and you just sort of black out and then you end up a few miles down with no recollection of the road you just driven? Well, it's called highway amnesia and that happened to me on my bike. It was kind of neat.

Now I feel kind of ill, so I'm going to get this computer off my stomach and watch Pirates 3. And probably fall asleep. Not to say it's a bad movie, quite the contrary, but I gotta work at 1:00, so I'm thinking sleep is in order, but there is this wolf that keeps telling me that it's a terrible idea.

//end transmission.

Before I scamper off to work.

2008-08-08T10:22:00.002-05:00

I've been talking to Scott, lately. It's pretty cool; I miss him quite a bit sometimes. I understand why he would want to be distant, though. I put him through a lot when I was younger and still unlearned in the way things work in the world.

He really liked me, or I think he did, and I really liked him. But whenever we'd get together to hang out, or be at the same place, we'd flirt and all that, but when he'd try to call me, I would avoid it, or not answer his messages. I put him through a lot of bashful bullshit.

I should be getting to work now, though. I only have 2 1/2 hours to get there, but I need to bus it.

//end transmission.

Bike chains, nuts, and washers.

2008-08-07T18:41:00.002-05:00

I finally finished Mike's bike. Not without six or seven mishaps. It took me two trips to the hardware store to get the right size nuts. And the second time I biked there with the tire on my back so I could make sure they fit on the bike. Now it's sitting in the middle of the kitchen and the only thing left to do is re-tape the handlebars and go to the gas station to pump op the tires. Good. GOOD.

In other news, SA hasn't called back yet, so I think I'm going to go apply elsewhere. Maybe Holiday... that'd be funny. Applying at a competitor.

Also, Mike, Nate, and I [and possibly Brian] are going up north next weekend. To go to Mike's pseudo-family's cabin. It should be pretty cool, just hangin' out in the wilderness for a weekend. With cool dogs.

I wanna go do something tonight... I'm not sure what, and I have to work at 1:00 tomorrow, so maybe I'll just go for a walk or something.

//end transmission.

As I sit here...

2008-08-06T17:12:00.001-05:00

...listening to I Like Japanese Hardcore and watching Star Wars Episode 1 [I'm not entirely sure why] I can't help but think. And thinking always gets pretty interesting for me.

I've just been thinking about everything. The confusion the weather causes me, the idea of biking to Mendota Heights every morning, my poor self image, but my lack of care for others opinions of me, controversy and the RNC, the Tom Morello show on Harriet Island, string theory... you know, the usual.

I kind of give up. And I wonder why I have insomnia. I stay up all night thinking about all this crap. But that's okay, at least I can think. Maybe not straight, but it does happen. The Whole thinking thing.

I need to get my bike back. From Matt's house. It's in his garage [pronounced: ga-rah-hey]. Poor Indie. At least he's got Alice to keep him company. I'll be there later, though, so it's okay. Lalalalalalalalala [to the tune of "Mutton Chops" by I Like Japanese Hardcore].

Random thoughts. Hurt. Kinda... Hmmm.

I want to go swimming. It's warm. But it won't be for too much longer, summer is comming to a middle.

Angie asked me why I gave her a "I hate You" look the other day, but I actually don't remember it happening. Silly. Well, my memory is kinda bad, but not that bad.

Well, I'm done typing for now, and ILJHC is coming to a close, but that means Kimya is going to start sing sweetly. By-the-by, Kimya's daughter, Panda, is the cutest child I think I've ever seen. Well, that is all.

//end transmission.

p.s. photo courtesy of Tasha Harwood.

P.s.

2008-08-06T14:56:00.001-05:00

popping my blog cherry.

2008-08-06T14:46:00.000-05:00

So, the infamous first post. I hope I can do it justice...

Don't know why I decided to start this, my life isn't really all that interesting. Well, at least I get to keep tabs on myself. And I get a place to spew out my craziness. My sleep deprived ravings. My early morning sick feelings put to words.

So here I am, along for the ride. It'll be a pretty lonely ride, but I don't mind, because I like me. Maybe it'll be a bike ride. I like riding bikes.

Speaking of which, I need to get stuff for Mike's bike today. Or soon. I promised him a bike over a month ago. Then we're going to start biking to his school every morning. 16 miles a day. 8 there and back. wee. I'm going to be in pretty good shape by the time he graduates.

Well, I think that'll about do it, I s'pose.
//end transmission.